Friday, March 23, 2007

The Mother Load of Evil Deeds

Some people have questioned the effectiveness of torture for the truly wicked terrorists threatening America. But the confessions of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed have changed all that. Several years of beatings and near drownings have produced the mother load of evil deeds. It turns out that Khalid planned almost everything that happened in the last ten years, as well as several things that didn't.

It almost makes one wish that we had tortured him a little longer. There are still unsolved mysteries that plague our nation, like the anthrax attack on Congress, the election fraud in Florida, and the murder of JonBenet. Why leave things hanging if you have someone willing to sing to the authorities?

There are a few problems with all these confessions by one person. What will we accuse Osama of if we ever catch him? Moreover, what will we ever charge those 400 poor slobs in Guantanamo Bay with, the ones wearing dog collars around their necks? There isn't really much left. Indecent exposure?

The Pentagon will figure something out. We will never really get to hear or read what these leftover prisoners say anyway. National security you know. So in a couple of years, the Pentagon will have them confessing to the same crimes and the majority of Americans aren't going to remember that Khalid said that too. If Americans had better memories, our kids wouldn't be dying in Iraq and a band of criminals and liars wouldn't be running our country.

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